The inspiration of my previous blog?
Well, I was reading a book with that sort of a plotline. Hell, it wasn't even a plot, it was a sub-plot, with one of the minor characters. It made me cry more then the main character's tragedy XD I thought it was... the saddest thing I've ever heard. All I pictured was this bright, sunny girl, slowly fading away because the man she loved couldn't accept her.
Anyways, comment if you enjoyed, and please tell me what you think =)

Dear John,

I can't... do this anymore.
I can't... I'm sick of this, I'm so tired...
Do you remember when we first met? You were a senior... the handsome quarterback, off to become a doctor, the golden boy. I loved you, with a sweet, tender passion.
I... didn't run in the same circles. Pretty but plain, not too smart and not like one of those girls you dated. I didn't have the money to buy nice clothes, so I made my own. I tried out for cheerleading but couldn't afford the uniform... All the pretty blonde rich girls laughed at me when I came to the try-outs.
You were always nice to me... You said I was simple and sweet and I tried so hard for you. Nobody knew about us... they wouldn't understand, you said, they wouldn't accept. I remember, the first time after we went out, I said hello to you in the hallways... waiting, anticipating a kiss, feeling giddy with joy. You were with your friends, and you said ever so callously... What are you looking at? It hurt... You apologized, later. I forgave you. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
I know better now.
Then, one night, you asked me. You said that if I loved you, I would do this. And I did.
I found out that I was pregnant a month later... and, because you were an honorable guy, you married me. And you treated me like the worst mistake you ever made... I never felt... good enough. Your parents disowned you for marrying a piece of trailer trash and deep inside, you always blamed me and always took a moment to do so. You always reminded me I wasn't good enough, always blamed me because you couldn't go to Harvard to study medicine, and had to settle for the local community college. Always reminded me how stupid I was, how simple and dumb I was. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
So I decided to change. I changed the way I dressed, the way I talked, acted. Even the way I walked... sometimes, I slipped, and I would hate myself. I changed my name, because your mother once said that Amber was such a trashy name. I became Janet. I... tried to be sophisticated, for you. To be stylish, and worldly and beautiful- for you. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
Then... you began growing distant. This... change hadn't made you happy. You began to call me Amber again. When I asked you to call me Janet, you mockingly replied, "Why? That's your name, isn't it?" You made snide remarks about pretending to be somebody I was not and being a hypocrite.
And then this morning... when you shouted. Where's my wife?, you asked. You're so cold, so empty. Where's that bright, young girl I married? The optimistic girl who believed that everything would be okay? The one who brought home dandelions in a cup and put them on the dinner table, as if they were roses? How did she get replaced by this cold, unfeeling robot? I didn't mention that you threw the flowers out, telling me not to be stupid.
I can't do this anymore. I can't. It hurts too much, every word is like a razorblade against my skin. The sweet, simple girl inside me died... for you. You said you loved me... I believe you. But I also believe a part of you hated me, blamed me, was ashamed me. I loved you hopelessly. We were never equal, you always treated me like I was the biggest regret of your life... You didn't need to remind me. I feel it every day that I'm alive.
So... I'm leaving. I openened my heart and you took a stab. And when I changed who I was, you wanted me to open my heart again. I can't do this. I love you, John, but I give up. I'm dying and it hurts to much.

Sincerely...
Amber Janet White

The Need to Be

Angels walk this land on foot,
And demons run among them.
Mere mortals fill in the gaps,
Shades of gray within their hearts.

She wears the wings so cautiously,
It turns black upon her fingers.
Her vacant shell is but an pretense,
The actions but a complex mask.

The wickedness runs strong and deep,
Carefully hidden within the center.
The heart is hollow, the soul is none,
And smiles are as empty as mourning sky.

The stolen wings begin to fade,
Frayed by their misuse.
And as they die, truth is revealed
And image will reflect the core.

Demons can't hide so very long
And she will cry for what she is.

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Please comment =)

Collision

It'sComingIt'sComingIt'sComing
The end of the world, or yours and of mine
Can't you feel the hum in your blood?
Can you feel the franTIC beat of a pulse
and the dreading, the waiting, the sheer
SUSPENSE of what's to come?
Can you feel...
The fear?
Sharp and cold, like a blade sliding against your skin?
Can you taste the blood?
Of mine and of yours, the pain that will come with it.
Can you see... my eyes:
The anger, the sadness, the hurt, the weariness?
Finished

I'm on the edge and I'll be pushed no more
This time: it's you who'll be falling