Dear John,

I can't... do this anymore.
I can't... I'm sick of this, I'm so tired...
Do you remember when we first met? You were a senior... the handsome quarterback, off to become a doctor, the golden boy. I loved you, with a sweet, tender passion.
I... didn't run in the same circles. Pretty but plain, not too smart and not like one of those girls you dated. I didn't have the money to buy nice clothes, so I made my own. I tried out for cheerleading but couldn't afford the uniform... All the pretty blonde rich girls laughed at me when I came to the try-outs.
You were always nice to me... You said I was simple and sweet and I tried so hard for you. Nobody knew about us... they wouldn't understand, you said, they wouldn't accept. I remember, the first time after we went out, I said hello to you in the hallways... waiting, anticipating a kiss, feeling giddy with joy. You were with your friends, and you said ever so callously... What are you looking at? It hurt... You apologized, later. I forgave you. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
I know better now.
Then, one night, you asked me. You said that if I loved you, I would do this. And I did.
I found out that I was pregnant a month later... and, because you were an honorable guy, you married me. And you treated me like the worst mistake you ever made... I never felt... good enough. Your parents disowned you for marrying a piece of trailer trash and deep inside, you always blamed me and always took a moment to do so. You always reminded me I wasn't good enough, always blamed me because you couldn't go to Harvard to study medicine, and had to settle for the local community college. Always reminded me how stupid I was, how simple and dumb I was. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
So I decided to change. I changed the way I dressed, the way I talked, acted. Even the way I walked... sometimes, I slipped, and I would hate myself. I changed my name, because your mother once said that Amber was such a trashy name. I became Janet. I... tried to be sophisticated, for you. To be stylish, and worldly and beautiful- for you. I was so hopelessly in love with you.
Then... you began growing distant. This... change hadn't made you happy. You began to call me Amber again. When I asked you to call me Janet, you mockingly replied, "Why? That's your name, isn't it?" You made snide remarks about pretending to be somebody I was not and being a hypocrite.
And then this morning... when you shouted. Where's my wife?, you asked. You're so cold, so empty. Where's that bright, young girl I married? The optimistic girl who believed that everything would be okay? The one who brought home dandelions in a cup and put them on the dinner table, as if they were roses? How did she get replaced by this cold, unfeeling robot? I didn't mention that you threw the flowers out, telling me not to be stupid.
I can't do this anymore. I can't. It hurts too much, every word is like a razorblade against my skin. The sweet, simple girl inside me died... for you. You said you loved me... I believe you. But I also believe a part of you hated me, blamed me, was ashamed me. I loved you hopelessly. We were never equal, you always treated me like I was the biggest regret of your life... You didn't need to remind me. I feel it every day that I'm alive.
So... I'm leaving. I openened my heart and you took a stab. And when I changed who I was, you wanted me to open my heart again. I can't do this. I love you, John, but I give up. I'm dying and it hurts to much.

Sincerely...
Amber Janet White