Help Me

Help me.
Help me, things aren't going well.
I'm not happy anymore. I'm not laughing anymore.
Help me, I lost everything I thought I had. I lost my best friend. I lost my other friends. I lost my ability to trust and my willingness to give.
I lost that feeling of togetherness. Of being able to go through life knowing that somebody has your back, and that somebody alwas has a shoulder or an ear.
And the worst part is: I don't even know how.
Help me, things are going wrong (again).
I thought things were getting better. I thought I was getting better. I thought I could finally be happier, could finally trust someone.
I can't.
Help me, I don't know what to do.
I'm stuck in life.
I have nobody.
I don't know what to do. I odn't know if I should leave or stay. It feels as though I have a decision to make and I have no idea what to do; there are no solutions.
The worst part is is that it's my second time.
Help me, I'm falling apart for the millionth time and I'm so afraid to hope for a time when I do have somebody again. Because I know I'll lose it.
Oh god, help me. Help me because I give up.

Greatness is thrust upon you

You know what I've realized?
Nobody is born great.
Nobody is born great and nobody starts off great.
I'm not going to sit on my ass any longer and wait for something I do to be spectacular.
No, i'm gonna go out there and ee what I can do, what I can accomplish and
it might not be much...
but I'm trying.
I'm learning.
And I'm living.
Cheers.

So, this is good-bye

I'm leaving.
I won't make a grand exit, but I'm leaving.
I won't sit with you guys at lunch as much anymore.
I'll learn how to talk to other people.
I'm going to give in to my impulses
and say what I want
and do what I want
and fuck everybody else.
I'm sick of holding myself in because I'm afraid of what they'll think.
I'm sick of being somebody other than myself.
I'm sick of hurting. Hurting bad because the person, the people, I trust went behind my back. Like she said, you're supposed to trust your friends.
I don't.
If you're reading this, then you know.
If you're reading this, you know what to expect.
Fuck this. It's my last year of high school and I'm not, I repeat, NOT going to spend it regretting the things I haven't done.
I've learned the hard way that being devoted, being loyal to your friends doesn't guarantee you anything
but a fistful of nothing.
So I'm leaving. I'm not running. I'm escaping.
I don't know how. I don't know what to expect. I'm not sure it's even for the better. But, at least I'll be doing something. Something other than breathe uneasy and start panicking whenever I think somebody's lying straight to my fucking face.
So, this is good-bye.

Shout-out to Sonya
Fucking best girl there is out there.
To my oldest friend, the one who knows my secrets... some. And doesn't look at them as defects. Stealing, throwing up, lying, cheating, pyromania, anarchy... there's is freedom in doing whatever the hell you want. To Sonya, the only one I know who has actually achieved it.