So, this is good-bye

I'm leaving.
I won't make a grand exit, but I'm leaving.
I won't sit with you guys at lunch as much anymore.
I'll learn how to talk to other people.
I'm going to give in to my impulses
and say what I want
and do what I want
and fuck everybody else.
I'm sick of holding myself in because I'm afraid of what they'll think.
I'm sick of being somebody other than myself.
I'm sick of hurting. Hurting bad because the person, the people, I trust went behind my back. Like she said, you're supposed to trust your friends.
I don't.
If you're reading this, then you know.
If you're reading this, you know what to expect.
Fuck this. It's my last year of high school and I'm not, I repeat, NOT going to spend it regretting the things I haven't done.
I've learned the hard way that being devoted, being loyal to your friends doesn't guarantee you anything
but a fistful of nothing.
So I'm leaving. I'm not running. I'm escaping.
I don't know how. I don't know what to expect. I'm not sure it's even for the better. But, at least I'll be doing something. Something other than breathe uneasy and start panicking whenever I think somebody's lying straight to my fucking face.
So, this is good-bye.

Shout-out to Sonya
Fucking best girl there is out there.
To my oldest friend, the one who knows my secrets... some. And doesn't look at them as defects. Stealing, throwing up, lying, cheating, pyromania, anarchy... there's is freedom in doing whatever the hell you want. To Sonya, the only one I know who has actually achieved it.